The Advice from My Dad Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate between men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."